a trip down memory lane.

back in november of last year, i deactivated my facebook. 

for many reasons, but mostly because it was just what i needed at the time.

but recently, i brought it back. and y'all, facebook is like a giant scrapbook of every poor fashion choice  i've ever made. 

blonde abbi! prom abbi! bangs abbi! short hair abbi! 

they're all there for the world to see. 

and since these are already out there on the world wide web, why not put them here too.

here's some of the most ridiculous pictures i've found since reactivating my facebook.

once upon a time, i went to a nerd themed party.

my shirt says "so many books, so little time."

i already owned it.

(yep. that's a pleated denim mini skirt.)

once upon a time, i turned 16.

and i wore this crown.

all day. 

at school.

this is when i was an outdoor lab leader in charge of 6th graders.

my friend sydney would probably be angry if she knew i had put this picture up.

but she doesn't read this blog, so.

this is a picture. this is a picture that exists and was created and was then put on the internet for actual humans to look at. 

(CONFESSION: about halfway through this post i remembered that i never deleted my myspace so naturally i had to go there and look at pictures EVEN MORE HORRENDOUS.)

YEP, THIS WAS REAL TOO.

apparently i captioned it "in the [hood]" so basically i can hear all of you silently thanking the lord that you did not know me in high school.

and finally

this is NOT from high school, which is equal parts hilarious and awful.

do you keep your old, embarrassing pictures on facebook, or do you delete them?

let's all just remember that i don't look like this anymore, mmkay?

friday.

this is just a jumble of thoughts. i am certainly not even qualified to talk about this, nor do i claim to be. 

but what happened here on early friday morning has changed a little part of me.

i woke up to a message friday morning from allie, a close friend who lives in canada, saying that she had heard what happened and that she hoped we were all okay. having gone to bed early the night before, i had no idea what she meant. so i opened up the news and i saw. and i ran downstairs and turned on the tv. and i just sat in front of the tv and cried. 

in the 12 years that i've lived in colorado, our state has known unbelievable tragedies. i vividly remember the day columbine happened, and even closer to home, the day emily keyes died. 

but perhaps because i'm older, and perhaps because it happened at a place that i love so much, the shootings at aurora hit even harder. 

this event is something i will never understand. on friday morning i sobbed on my drive to work, and i cried out to god because i cannot understand this. 

the youngest that i nanny asked me exactly what happened, and telling her was horrible. horrible. i wish i could say that is the last time i have to do that, but i know it won't be. i know that someday i will have to explain a senseless tragedy to my own kids, the way my parents did with me. 

i echo what i said on friday: i am sick and i am sad. i am sick for the families who lost their loved ones, the kids who lost their fathers and mothers, the wives who lost their husbands, the parents who lost their children. i am sick that this happened at a place that is safe, that should be safe. i am sad that going to the movies is something that scares us now. i don't want these 12 people to just become names on another list.

i have spent some time away from the internet, from tumblr and twitter and here, for two reasons.

the first is that it just felt wrong to be talking about anything else. it felt trivial and insensitive. the second is that it allowed me to go spend more time with my family and those i love. 

i have heard that blessings come from curses, and i believe this is true. but i am not ready to call anything about this a blessing yet. 

 i will say that it has reminded me just how fragile our lives are. we say this every time a tragedy happens, and for a few days we live our best lives, but then we forget. i don't want to forget.

i cried when i heard nick's voice on friday morning on the phone, i cried when i called my dad. 

i held everyone close that day, for just a little bit longer than usual.

and every day since then, i've been asking myself, "is this important? is picking this fight, arguing this thing i won't even remember tomorrow, important? if something were to happen tomorrow, is this what i would want to my last words to someone?" and it's not. 

i don't even know how to end this. 

let's just remember the 12 who lost their lives. let's remember to be kind to those around us. and let's remember to love well. 

if you're interested in helping, you can learn more about that here. 

books: good better best.

(slowly but surely making my way through this too)

here's a little of what i've been reading lately.

good:

the rock star's daughter by caitlin duffy

alright guys TO. BE. HONEST, i read this book.

it was free on the kindle store, okay?

and honestly, i did not hate it.

was it a literary masterpiece? no. will it forever change the world of literature as we know it? no. but was it boring? no.

i read it on several trips to the lake and for that, it was perfect.

better:

the shape of mercy by susan meissner

sarah recommended this book to me a few weeks ago and y'all, i could kiss her for it. 

i read it in about three hours and didn't put it down once. read it.

still missing by chevy stevens

warning: this book is kind of scary and also made me weep like a small child. but it is an unbelievable story that had me guessing till the very end and i loooooved it.

best:

gone girl by gillian flynn

lauren texted me a few weeks ago and said, "you have to read this book with me." and while i scoffed at the $12.99 kindle price, i bought it anyways.

y'all, best $12.99 i ever spent.

this book is I N S A N E and i had absolutely no idea how it was going to end. even when it ended i still couldn't believe it. 

i read the second half on our drive back from arizona and i kept going "NICK. NICK LISTEN TO THIS. LISTEN TO WHAT JUST HAPPENED IN THIS BOOK."

incredible story telling. INCREDIBLE.

but help help help!

now friends, i am in a lull. i haven't read anything good in a few weeks and i'm looking for the next good thing.

so, what have you read recently (or not recently) and loved?

lately.

1. niece and i  2. a little plate i made  3. the most beautiful section in b&n  4. new shoe love

loving: this dress. (hint hint?)

reading: okay, you guys, it wouldn't feel right to lie on my own blog. so i have to be honest with you. i may or may not be reading lauren conrad's novel. i know.

watching: .....pretty little liars. y'all, here's the thing about PLL. i read the first book when i was a sophomore in high school, and i had to sleep on the floor of my parent's bedroom for two days. and then i gave four. years. of my life to those books. years i will never get back. so when the show came out i was like, "eh maybe," and i watched the first half of season one. but then lauren brought it to my attention that PLL had made it's way to netflix. and now i have watched like 14 episodes in two days and i don't know how to stop and i might be in actual love with troian bellisario.

anticipating: singing in the rain tonight! it's playing for one night in select theaters and i'm going to see it with a few close friends. YAY

listening to: 85% ed sheeran, 15% olly murs. if you're not listening to both of them, remedy that immediately.

working on: organizing my closet. i'm getting rid of so many clothes that they've ripped the trash bags i've put them in.

wishing: i had some new doctor who to watch.

what's up with you guys?

(inspiration from danielle)  

i saw magic mike.

it happened.

y'all, i went and saw magic mike.

you may remember that i really wanted to see it. 

guys...why did i want to see this movie?

i legitimately, in my heart, believed it would be pretty tame. and yes, in the grand scheme of things, it could have been a lot more inappropriate.

you guys, i saw so many butts.

and like, i've seen movie butts before.

but it was like BUTTS BUTTS BUTTSBUTTS AND ALSO MORE BUTTS.

but before we talk about that, let's talk about the women in this movie theater.

first of all, there were a lot of mothers and daughters seeing it together? 

second, the first time we saw a semi-nude person, every woman in there, except for kate and i, started giggling.

and it wasn't like they were giggling at naked men, either. it was naked women and i was like, "....but...why."

but then, y'all. then it was time for the strip club. 

and the women in our theater were CLAPPING. and SCREAMING. and i was like "THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU."

like i said on twitter last night, i am confident that every woman in that theater had read 50 shades of grey.

okay, the actual movie.

there was...not really a plot. and okay, you may be thinking "of course there was no plot abbi, did you even watch the trailer?" but still.

and really, everyone was just playing themselves. i felt like there was no acting. channing tatum was channing tatum. alex pettyfer was alex pettyfer. matthew mcconaughey was matthew mccoughaney.

at one point, there was a scene that took place in matthew mcconaughey's character's house, and he had artwork of himself up everywhere, like a statue of his face and a painting of his body and i thought, "i bet they didn't even have to create this artwork. i bet they filmed this in matthew mcconaughey's actual house."

and everyone, i saw more of matthew mcconaughey than i ever wanted to see. 

also, why do male strippers wear so many vests?

i guess the moral of this story is. i'm glad i saw it to say that i did, but i will never see it again.

also confirmed that i think male stripping is kind of gross. 

(disclaimer: no judgement to people who liked this movie. it wasn't bad or poorly made by any means. just not my cup of naked-butt tea.)

midnight showings.

the amazing pawgee

it always sounds like such a good idea.

"hey, i'll get to see this movie before everybody else, other than the thousands of people across the country who are also seeing it at midnight!"

your friends object, and you say, "but it's about the experience!"

but then you have to get in line at 8 o'clock.

and sometimes you wait outside and it rains. 

and then your eyelids are heavy throughout the entire movie.

and then the next morning you have to wake up and go to work and yeah, you're happy that you saw the movie, but you're also cursing the day you ever thought it was a good idea to get 4 hours of sleep.

guys, we went to the midnight showing of the amazing spiderman last week, and i think it has officially ruined midnight showings for me.

it started with a group of about 20 kids walking into the theater, singing 'call me maybe' at the top of their lungs and me muttering, "shut up shut up shut up" not so quietly.

then when the movie finally started, we heard the couple behind us talking.

and i don't mean hushed, under-your-breath whispers.

i mean loud, rude, i-don't-care-that-i'm-in-a-movie talking.

so i did the universal scowl and look over your shoulder move. you know the one.

but the talking continued.

for literally the first 5 minutes of the movie.

and then the guy pulls out, i swear to you, a FLASHLIGHT.

and he starts shining it around.

and my blood is BOILING. 

and the talking continues.

and then it finally stops. you know know why? because then they started making out.

it felt like i missed the entire first part of the movie because of these kids. all of sudden peter parker had spider-like abilities and i was like, "WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!" 

(joking.)

we've seen our fair share of midnight showings this summer (the avengers, prometheus, etc.) and each time there has been something that has made me swear, "never again." 

but this time, i mean it. 

the dark knight rises? i'm coming for ya at 10:25 am on friday.

*disclaimer: of course there will always be exceptions. and by exceptions i mean catching fire.*