what were you THINKING?

guys, remember when dr. phil used to be a good show?

no?

oh.

ok, well. remember when it wasn't like jerry springer?

yes. 

and how he always used to go, "what were you thinking?!"

well, today i am dr. phil and i would like to say, 

what were you thinking? to what i believe are some of the worst movies around.
you see, yesterday paige and i went on a little movie buying spree (bought some winners) and as i was browsing all the movies, i came across some movies that made me do what lauren and i call "jaw lock" and at one point i slapped my leg to emphasize my hatred as i screamed, "I ~HATE THAT MOVIE."
(i'm nothing if not dramatic.)

as i walked around the store i started to record a voice memo to myself to remember all these horrendous films, and i'm sure i looked crazy muttering movies titles in my phone.
so since i love making lists (i even have a list on my phone titled "men whose faces bother me") here's a list of what i believe are some of the worst movies i have ever seen.
warning: if i insult a movie you love, please don't take it personally. it's not an attack against you. sometimes it just happens. it's like that time i loved country strong so much it hurt and everyone was like "LOL REMEMBER HOW COUNTRY STRONG SUCKED? ANYONE WHO LIKES THAT MOVIE IS DUMB LOL!!!!!111!1!!!1" so now i just keep my love for it to myself, other than right now when i just declared it publicly on my blog.

OKAY, here we go.

1. american dreamz

 once upon a time, three great people came together to make one of the worst movies of all time. i shook my fist in the air, cursing the people who approved this atrocity screaming, "dennis, why?! mandy, why?! HUGH, WHY?!" the review by peter hammond on the front says "an outrageously funny film." so now we must hunt down peter hammond. 

okay, i'm slightly exaggerating. but honestly, this movie really had potential to be something pretty comical, but i just ended up with my face in my hands chanting "never again. never again."

2. the curious case of benjamin button

bear with me on this one. i know people loved it. i know the academy loved it. i know some of you might probably love it. but truthfully y'all, this movie was an enormous train wreck for me. i didn't even want to see it, but a friend of mine was going with her family and invited me along, so i said yes. big mistake. maybe it's the fact that i didn't know it was going to be like 6 hours long, or maybe it's the fact that brad pitt used to be the love of my life but now he makes my skin crawl, or maybe it's the fact that underneath it all this is an intriguing story but a story that makes me overwhelming hollow and sad. either way, at the end of it i felt like it was 3 hours of my life i'll never get back.

3. push

oh, push. baby chris evans, why did you do this movie? honestly, it's a pretty good concept, but was just really poorly executed. that weird scene with that screaming asian guy, the way chris evans could lift guns without using his hands, those outrageously comical drawings dakota fanning did, it was all just bad. 

4. ghosts of girlfriends past

once, long ago, nick and i went and saw this on our second date. and guys, i'm sorry, but it is terrible. partially because i've just reached an age where the sight of matthew mcconaughey has me gagging (exceptions: how to lose a guy in 10 days and the wedding planner) but partially because it is just a bad movie. also, let's all agree that saying the name of the movie is not exactly a walk in the park. i mean, say it out loud right now. really, say it. comes out weird, right? (nick now just refers to it as "ghosts and girlfriends") 

5. journey 2: the mysterious island 

full disclosure: i didn't put the official movie poster up because i just can't have the face of dwayne "the rock" johnson up on my blog. here's a thing about me: i hate dwayne "the rock" johnson. i do. i honestly do. i've been told by people who know people that met him that he's a great guy. and you know what? honestly, i'm sure he is. but that doesn't change my opinion about him. those who know me compare their hatred of anything to my hatred of him. seriously. so anyways, for me this movie had 3 strikes already  going into it: dwayne johnson, vanessa hudgens, and luis guzmán. (also, giant bees.) but it did have one gold star, one shining diamond in the rough: josh hutcherson. but y'all, even the illustrious josh couldn't save this movie. it was too far gone. at one point nick leaned over to me and said, "i'm sorry, but this is the  low point for josh." and i have to agree. the special effects were weird, i saw luis guzmàn fall into a gross lizard egg, i spent the entire movie trying to figure out what the actual plot was, they rode on giant bees, and dwayne johnson was in it. just skip this one, dear friends. just skip it entirely. 

6. just my luck

okay, i think we can all agree that lindsay hasn't done anything worth our while since mean girls. herbie fully loaded made me cringe, i didn't even try to stomach labor pains, and that i know who killed me movie had me staring with my mouth open the entire time thinking "my god, what has happened." and just my luck is no exception. sure, it's not the worst movie in the entire world. but it's certainly not the best. 

7. the ugly truth

as a general rule of my life, i tend to avoid movies where gerard butler shows off what a man he is. i also tend to avoid movies where katherine heigl is a neurotic mess who somehow turns out to be lovable despite all her crazy quirks (aka i avoid all katherine heigl movies.) but for reasons unbeknownst to me, i saw this movie. and it was gross and it was weird and i thought they made a horrible couple but. that's just me.

8. the break up

what were you thinking. 

9. insidious

i chose not to put this movie poster up because it is creepy and i don't want it on here. guys this movie is seriously awful. i didn't even want to see it, but last year when my roommates and i were in indiana we were with some friends who basically forced us to watch it. i hate scary movies, and for about the first 20 minutes it was terrifying. but then it just started to get weird. then it went from weird to comical and i was like, "is that a man dancing around in a devil costume?!" don't see it y'all. just don't.

10. we are marshall

guys i'm gonna be honest with you. this movie might actually be okay and i wouldn't even know it. because i am too traumatized by what happened to care about anything else that happened in it. i know that the rest of the movie is supposed to be uplifting or whatever, but after what happens in the beginning, there is no coming back. if you haven't seen this movie, basically it is a true story about a plane crash that kills an entire football team and it is completely devastating. true life: i watched this movie with my parents years ago and at one point my dad had to get up from his chair and come hold me because i was so inconsolable. so anything that makes me cry so hard that i break blood vessels in my face is a movie that i hate. 

runners up: life or something like it, something borrowed, when in rome, anything with nicholas cage in it.

i'm sure that i have forgotten plenty, but have you seen any of these? do you agree?

tell me what you think are some of the worst movies you've ever seen, i'd love to know.  

shows you should have watched.

if you follow me on tumblr, you may have noticed that i have a running tag called "shows you should have watched."

because y'all, there is little else in this world that is more important to me than television. 

and when i love something so deeply, i have to share it. 

so i'm about to share with you my top 3 favorite shows of all time (plus a few extras)

and you may be asking, "but abbi, i don't see parks and rec on this list? where is doctor who?"

people, people.

i'm talking favorite shows of all time.

and i don't think i can add a show to that list until it is completely over and done.

because a show can start out beautifully, and then in one moment, turn into something twisted and wrong and all of a sudden you're crying into your hands screaming "WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALLLLLL" 

*coughcoughGLEEcough*

so i don't add shows to this list until they are completed. 

so here are, what i believe, were three of the best shows on television.

PRESENTING: SHOWS YOU SHOULD HAVE WATCHED

(and other stuff)

1. everwood.

rarely ever in the history of the universe has there ever been a show as good as everwood. 

back when the CW was the WB, a little show premiered on monday nights after 7th heaven.

and it stole the hearts of...not that many people because i don't really know too many people who watched it.

BUT FOR THOSE OF US WHO WATCHED, IT STOLE OUR HEARTS FULLY AND COMPLETELY. 

kind of loosely, roughly, 0.00000001% based on the area i grew up near, this show was funny and heartbreaking and thoughtful and perfect. 

if you haven't watched this show...run, don't walk, to your nearest best buy or local library, and grab a copy of the first season. 

you won't be sorry.

2. gilmore girls.

75% percent of the reason why i am the way i am is because of gilmore girls.

now i know that some people don't care for this show, because they think rory and lorelai are annoying, or they talk too fast, and TO THOSE NAY-SAYERS I SAY "oy with the poodles already."

but i also say, this show is funny and charming and comforting and has just the right amount of drama. 

i am always in the mood for this show.

if i'm happy? there's a gilmore girls episode for that. if i'm sad? there's a gilmore girls episode for that. 

those of you who watched it know, there is a gilmore girls quote for everything.

so basically, you should absolutely watch this show, if you haven't.

3. friday night lights.

y'all.

this show is above and beyond great television. 

it has the best pilot episode that i have ever seen.

it was consistently good (except for those weird first four episodes in season 2 but it's okay.)

never has there been a show with more heart.

ever.

what completely baffles me about this show is that like no one watched it.

it had super low ratings until the end.

BUT IT WAS THE LITTLE SHOW THAT COULD, YOU GUYS.

really, if you haven't watched it, get yourself over to netflix and watch the pilot immediately.

don't like football?

DOESN'T MATTER. 

honestly, so little of this show is about football. 

it is just about human relationships, and strong families and small town community and UGH Y'ALL I JUST REALLY CANNOT.

RUNNERS UP:

1. the oc.

once upon a time in 2003, fox started a beautiful little show called the oc.

and it took the world by storm.

THE DRAMA! THE MUSIC! THE BEACH! THE ADAM BRODY!

you rolled your eyes at the situations these *SIXTEEN YEAR OLDS* got themselves into but you couldn't help but cry "more more more!"

the first season was flawless (i own it and most of the discs don't even work anymore because i've watched them so much)

but then things kinda started to go downhill.

the second season is still worth your time.

if you can stomach the third season, more power to you.

 when it comes to the fourth and final season i say, "don't bother."

but if you have not at least watched the first season of this show, you are truly missing out on one of life's greatest gifts.

2. o'grady.

okay, i hesitated whether or not to even put this show on this list, because sometimes i am so convinced that this show never actually existed and that i made the whole thing up in my mind.

but it's real, i've just never met anyone else who watched it.

guys, remember the n?

before it was teen nick and when during the day it was noggin?

well on that channel they had some of the best shows ever. 

and the best of those shows was an animated comedy called o'grady.

don't get me wrong, this show is an acquired taste.

but it still slays me dead with how funny it is. 

i have no idea where you can watch it anymore, other than buying it on itunes for dirt cheap, which is what i did. 

but if you ever get a chance, it is, at least in my opinion, worth your time.

3. one tree hill.

my love for one tree hill is deep and endless and knows no bounds.

i know probably a great majority of you have watched this show at one point or another in your life, but if you haven't and you enjoy overly dramatic story lines and pretty people and one of the most hateable characters in television history (DAN SCOTT) then this is the show for you.

seriously though, this show in its early years was SO. GOOD. 

i myself am not a huge fan of the later seasons (1-4 are perfect, they could have just stopped after 6) but really, it's all good. 

so if you've deprived yourself of this show, hop on over to netflix and get caught up the drama that is tree hill north carolina. 

i could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on about other shows, but this post is long enough as it is. 

what are some of your favorite shows that have ended?

have you watched any of these?

*****UPDATE: everyone on twitter has (lovingly) pointed out to me what a moron i am because i forgot ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT AND DAWSON'S CREEK. 

ugh, FOR SHAME. 

(watch those shows too)

*********UPDATE AGAIN: i just remembered that i left what i like about you off this list too. y'all i am a FOOL. that show is one of my most quoted shows of all time and you should watch it. 

one thing.

okay. 

it's time to talk about it.

my affection for one direction.

(if you follow me on twitter or tumblr then you have been hearing me talk about it for months and this is now old news.)

but it's never been discussed here.

so let's be real. 

i knew about one direction for a while, because i was like WHO ARE THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE I AM SEEING ALL OVER MY TUMBLR DASHBOARD.

 and so i looked them up on wikipedia. and i saw that they were a boy band. 

and i said "no sir i shall not go down that road, no way no how."

because as we all know, when i like something, i don't just like it.

i become a monster about it. 

and i knew one direction would be no exception, so i stayed away.

and then, on february 20th, my best friend paige, who is studying abroad in ireland, sent me message with a link.

and you guys.

i just KNEW.

before i even opened the link, i knew.

and thus began the downward spiral that has taken my life by storm, consumed me completely and made me the laughing stock of those around me.

and i don't even care.

their music is catchy and they've all got that really great hair.

and after much consideration, liam is my favorite. (but niall is a close second.)

i know some of you already listen to them, and if you do i applaud/sympathize with you.

they are beautiful, well dressed, talented life ruiners.

but in case you don't, let me convert you, right here and now. 

PRESENTING ABBI'S GUIDE TO THE MOST IMPORTANT VIDEOS THAT WILL MAKE YOU CRY AND LOVE ONE DIRECTION:

1. the one thing music video:

2. what makes you beautiful (behind the scenes) 

3. the best interview they've ever done

 

4. that time they all sucked on helium

5. the video that accurately describes the first time i saw them

6. the video that accurately describes how i feel every time i see them (and how i feel about zayn)

 i debated whether or not i should just include the link to these videos or the actual videos themselves, but this you know what? 

they're here so now everyone has to look at them. 

sorry not sorry. 

do you like one direction?

(if you don't just take that noise elsewhere, pretty please.)

who is your favorite?

this is a situation you guys.

i don't even know. 

10 books you have to read.

today i had someone ask me, "what are you favorite books that i should read?"

y'all, never ask me that question if you don't want a serious answer. 

i'm like that mouse from if you give a mouse a cookie.

if you ask abbi for a recommendation, first she will want to know if you've read the hunger games.

if you haven't read the hunger games, she'll slap you across the face and then say "come back when you have"

if you come back after this slap, she'll want to know what your favorite genre is.

then she will want to know if you're open to reading YA (since it's her favorite.)

then she'll ask you if you prefer male or female characters.

then she'll ask you if you're open to reading dystopians (since they're her favorite.)

and so on

and so on

and so on.

i love recommending books to people, but when i do i want it to be something that i think they'll love. 

if my friend who loves basketball and family guy come to me looking for a recommendation, i'm not going to tell him to read anna and the french kiss, no matter how good i think it is.

but since i can't ask each and every person in my life all of the above questions, here is a list of the top 10 books that i've reread dozens of times, that have stuck with me through thick and thin, that i will force on you at any given moment. 

(side note: i didn't really provide a synopsis for any of these, because whenever i try to provide one for any book, i basically end up saying something like, "well it's about a girl, and like, man she is...she is just the best, you know? ugh, man. and then so she meets this guy who is just like, I CANNOT EVEN, and then like, you know.)

1. the fault in our stars by john green

i'm sure most of you have read this by now, but if you haven't, please PLEASE do. it is without a doubt one of the funniest, poignant, most heartbreaking books i've ever read. i cannot say enough about it. after i read it i bought the audiobook so that i could "read it" while i was driving, without killing anyone. 

2. the truth about forever by sarah dessen

i was about 13 when i first read this book, and now i've read my copy of it so many times it's nearly unreadable. i absolutely love sarah dessen, she is an unbelievable writer and every single one of her books is worth your time. (and wes is my number one book boyfriend.)

3. my most excellent year by steve kluger 

when this book was first recommended to me, all that was said was "i wish i could live in this book." and after i read it, i understood why. this book, while not life changing or ground breaking, is the happiest book i've ever read, but what i love about it is that it is genuine. it's not cheap, or ridiculous, it's just purely and honestly GOOD. i carried it in my bag for 3 weeks after i first read it, just because i needed it to be near me.

4. the hunger games by suzanne collins.

for four years i have been begging everyone in my life to read this series. if you haven't already, please do. i literally can't say anything more than that.

5. white oleander by janet fitch

some of the best writing i've ever read in my life. i stopped about half way through the movie because it just couldn't convey all the beautifully written detail provided in the book. some of the things in it are not easy to swallow, because the story is so traumatic, but it is wildly captivating.

6. the chosen one by carol lynch williams

i got this book as an advanced reader copy, so it had no summary on it, which usually turns me off. but i could not be happier that i read it. it is the most haunting novel i've ever read. i was a senior in high school when i read it, and it has stuck with me. i'm just gonna say it y'all: i literally cannot even.

7. it's kind of a funny story by ned vizzini

a review on the back of this book says "a book about depression that's not the least bit depressing" and i think that hits the nail on the head. this is one of the most honest books about depression (and life after depression) that i've ever read.

 8. thirteen reasons why by jay asher

phenomenal. i stayed up till 3:30 in the morning on a school night last year so that i could finish it. it's insightful, and completely chilling. 

9. twenty boy summer by sarah ockler

i debated whether or not i should put this one on the list, because this isn't a book i recommend to just anyone. but this book is such an honest look at what grieving after the death of a loved one looks like, and i read it at a time when i needed it most. i have also had the unbelievable honor of having coffee with sarah ockler, and talking to her about her writing, so it holds an extra special place in my heart, as do all her books. 

10. before i fall by lauren oliver

i describe it as "the book that changed my life." lauren oliver is a goddess of writing, and this book is beautiful and haunting and perfect, amen.

have you read any of these?

have you liked them?

what's on your list of must-reads?