i think when i look back on my junior year of college, i'll remember it as my most memorable year (at least so far.)
i'm a natural scaredy cat when it comes to living on my own, but we've gotten over all of these instances pretty quickly, because there was never any real threat to us, and worrying about it doesn't make anything better.
but yesterday, someone broke into our home.
there was a brief window of time in the morning where no one was home, and they cut open the screen on our window, and threw a huge rock through it.
they came upstairs, into my room, and my roommate Molly's room, and they stole everything of (monetary) value to us, including our laptops, cameras, tv's, everything. they opened all our dresser drawers, touched our clothes, threw our things around. they tore our rooms apart, and then they left.
luckily, they did not go downstairs and steal from my other three roommates. we think it's possible that when my roommate came home and discovered the broken window (then got the heck out of the house) they were still there, and decided just to leave with whatever they already had.
and i feel violated.
my home is supposed to be my sanctuary. if i can't feel safe at home, where can i feel safe?
after the police left our house yesterday, i was gone most of the day, sorting out things with my stolen possessions, and then we all went to see a movie. so we got back last night, and i was finally in my house, with no distractions, it was overwhelming.
i haven't picked up everything in my room, and that entire mess reminds me of it every time i look at it.
what i don't think those people that came into my house understand is that they have robbed us of so much more than our stuff.
i don't want to be in my own house, let alone my own room.
i stayed at a friend's house last night, because the thought of sleeping in my own room made me sick.
and it makes me sick, knowing that someone came into my personal space, touched all of my things, and took my computer, which has my entire personal life on it.
i went home this morning briefly before my first class, and after my last roommate left, and i was all alone, i started to panic. and i ended up leaving 15 minutes early for my class, because i didn't want to be there by myself.
i know that this will soon pass, and we will all return to a feeling of normalcy.
but i am sad. and i am angry.
i'm sad that Molly and i lost every picture, every song, every paper from the last 3 years.
i'm angry that from now on, for as long as we live in that house, we will always be a little on edge.
i'm angry that someone i don't even know could make me feel this way, could make us feel so helpless and vulnerable.
i'm angry that it's affecting me as much as it is.
if you would, would say a prayer, or send some good thoughts out for us?
and since i'm learning to find the silver lining in things now, maybe this will finally be our excuse to get a dog :)