bye, summer.

i've got those scary, first day of school butterflies in my stomach that i haven't felt in 3 years. 

starting a new school is terrifying.

i know it shouldn't be, i'm a senior and i've already done this song and dance.

but i feel like a freshman all over again, not knowing the campus or the buildings or anyone.

it feels like the ultimate sunday night, today does.

but it has been a wonderful summer.

today when we went to lunch, nick and i were talking about what our favorite moments of the summer were, and i started to feel the kind of sad mixed with happy that only john green can put words to.

 we went to arizona and saw some favorite friends. i went zip lining for the first time. we miraculously (!) got tickets to see the book of mormon. i read and read and read. nick and i spent an obscene amount of time watching the game show network. i moved to a new house. i fell more and more in love. 

like all things, this is a season (literally and figuratively, see what i did there?) and i know it must end.

i can't wait to see what the next season of my life has in store. 

but for now, for tonight, i am nostalgic and sad and a little bit nervous. 

bye bye, summer. 

who's that giiirlll? who's that girl? it's abbi.

hey look!

last week i was in urban outfitters when i was stopped by a girl who asked if she could take a picture of my outfit, and i'm a ham so i said yes.

poor nick was so confused when he saw me just walking out of the store with some girl i didn't know, without even saying a word to him. 

it goes against all stranger danger, i know.

also, i am the most unphotogenic person i know, and i was like "how should i stand?? should i smile?? I THINK I ACCIDENTALLY CLOSED MY EYES, TAKE ANOTHER ONE."

you can check it out here!

back to school.

welp. it's almost that time again. 

while the thought of going back to school (and starting a new one! eep!) is nerve-wracking, shopping for school supplies is my FAVORITE.

(it makes me want to send bouquets of newly sharpened pencils.)

here's a few things i want so badly it hurts. 

1. this backpack. i broke down last week and ordered it. the first time i've carried a backpack since 5th grade, y'all.

2. this great gatsby kindle case. I NEED IT. i've had the same case for 2 years and recently spilled nail polish on the backside of it, so this feels like the perfect time to buy it.

3. this dress. p l e a s e.

4. this super cool pencil sharpener.

5. these pencils. YOU GUYS. these are pencils with the names of tv's ultimate power couples from the 90's on them. I WANT THEM SO MUCH. 

happy back to school!

lately.

1. took the kids to the museum on friday. fours years and counting, and they're still my favorite kids on earth.

2.  "sometimes i think we're alone in the universe, and sometimes i think we're not. in either case the idea is quite staggering." -arthur c. clarke

3. OKAY SO on saturday night kate and i decided that we should rent a bad movie and spend the night making fun of it (we started this tradition with the movie abduction.) so we rented this LOL movie. and y'all, i did not lol. some of you may have seen the mini live tweet of it, but at some point we had to just stop because there were not even words anymore. i'm torn between telling you to see it to understand what i mean, and advising you to stay the heck away from it. i can't decide. but let me know if any of you have seen it/watch it in the near future.

4. this love of mine. 

in other news, i will not know what to do with myself when the olympics are over. i have not watched other television in days. why would i?! i just love the olympics. it's the one time every four years when my mother and i pretend like we know everything about every sport. "SHE WAS BELOW BY .233, ESSENTIALLY THAT FLOOR SLIDE." i cry at every awards ceremony, even when the us doesn't win. i try to watch it alone whenever possible. i am just too emotional.

hope you're having a great start to your week!

a trip down memory lane.

back in november of last year, i deactivated my facebook. 

for many reasons, but mostly because it was just what i needed at the time.

but recently, i brought it back. and y'all, facebook is like a giant scrapbook of every poor fashion choice  i've ever made. 

blonde abbi! prom abbi! bangs abbi! short hair abbi! 

they're all there for the world to see. 

and since these are already out there on the world wide web, why not put them here too.

here's some of the most ridiculous pictures i've found since reactivating my facebook.

once upon a time, i went to a nerd themed party.

my shirt says "so many books, so little time."

i already owned it.

(yep. that's a pleated denim mini skirt.)

once upon a time, i turned 16.

and i wore this crown.

all day. 

at school.

this is when i was an outdoor lab leader in charge of 6th graders.

my friend sydney would probably be angry if she knew i had put this picture up.

but she doesn't read this blog, so.

this is a picture. this is a picture that exists and was created and was then put on the internet for actual humans to look at. 

(CONFESSION: about halfway through this post i remembered that i never deleted my myspace so naturally i had to go there and look at pictures EVEN MORE HORRENDOUS.)

YEP, THIS WAS REAL TOO.

apparently i captioned it "in the [hood]" so basically i can hear all of you silently thanking the lord that you did not know me in high school.

and finally

this is NOT from high school, which is equal parts hilarious and awful.

do you keep your old, embarrassing pictures on facebook, or do you delete them?

let's all just remember that i don't look like this anymore, mmkay?

friday.

this is just a jumble of thoughts. i am certainly not even qualified to talk about this, nor do i claim to be. 

but what happened here on early friday morning has changed a little part of me.

i woke up to a message friday morning from allie, a close friend who lives in canada, saying that she had heard what happened and that she hoped we were all okay. having gone to bed early the night before, i had no idea what she meant. so i opened up the news and i saw. and i ran downstairs and turned on the tv. and i just sat in front of the tv and cried. 

in the 12 years that i've lived in colorado, our state has known unbelievable tragedies. i vividly remember the day columbine happened, and even closer to home, the day emily keyes died. 

but perhaps because i'm older, and perhaps because it happened at a place that i love so much, the shootings at aurora hit even harder. 

this event is something i will never understand. on friday morning i sobbed on my drive to work, and i cried out to god because i cannot understand this. 

the youngest that i nanny asked me exactly what happened, and telling her was horrible. horrible. i wish i could say that is the last time i have to do that, but i know it won't be. i know that someday i will have to explain a senseless tragedy to my own kids, the way my parents did with me. 

i echo what i said on friday: i am sick and i am sad. i am sick for the families who lost their loved ones, the kids who lost their fathers and mothers, the wives who lost their husbands, the parents who lost their children. i am sick that this happened at a place that is safe, that should be safe. i am sad that going to the movies is something that scares us now. i don't want these 12 people to just become names on another list.

i have spent some time away from the internet, from tumblr and twitter and here, for two reasons.

the first is that it just felt wrong to be talking about anything else. it felt trivial and insensitive. the second is that it allowed me to go spend more time with my family and those i love. 

i have heard that blessings come from curses, and i believe this is true. but i am not ready to call anything about this a blessing yet. 

 i will say that it has reminded me just how fragile our lives are. we say this every time a tragedy happens, and for a few days we live our best lives, but then we forget. i don't want to forget.

i cried when i heard nick's voice on friday morning on the phone, i cried when i called my dad. 

i held everyone close that day, for just a little bit longer than usual.

and every day since then, i've been asking myself, "is this important? is picking this fight, arguing this thing i won't even remember tomorrow, important? if something were to happen tomorrow, is this what i would want to my last words to someone?" and it's not. 

i don't even know how to end this. 

let's just remember the 12 who lost their lives. let's remember to be kind to those around us. and let's remember to love well. 

if you're interested in helping, you can learn more about that here. 

books: good better best.

(slowly but surely making my way through this too)

here's a little of what i've been reading lately.

good:

the rock star's daughter by caitlin duffy

alright guys TO. BE. HONEST, i read this book.

it was free on the kindle store, okay?

and honestly, i did not hate it.

was it a literary masterpiece? no. will it forever change the world of literature as we know it? no. but was it boring? no.

i read it on several trips to the lake and for that, it was perfect.

better:

the shape of mercy by susan meissner

sarah recommended this book to me a few weeks ago and y'all, i could kiss her for it. 

i read it in about three hours and didn't put it down once. read it.

still missing by chevy stevens

warning: this book is kind of scary and also made me weep like a small child. but it is an unbelievable story that had me guessing till the very end and i loooooved it.

best:

gone girl by gillian flynn

lauren texted me a few weeks ago and said, "you have to read this book with me." and while i scoffed at the $12.99 kindle price, i bought it anyways.

y'all, best $12.99 i ever spent.

this book is I N S A N E and i had absolutely no idea how it was going to end. even when it ended i still couldn't believe it. 

i read the second half on our drive back from arizona and i kept going "NICK. NICK LISTEN TO THIS. LISTEN TO WHAT JUST HAPPENED IN THIS BOOK."

incredible story telling. INCREDIBLE.

but help help help!

now friends, i am in a lull. i haven't read anything good in a few weeks and i'm looking for the next good thing.

so, what have you read recently (or not recently) and loved?