happy friday!

1. polka dot frenzy

2. a little something i made this week!

3. quite possibly the best book i've ever read. go read it. now.

today i sent an email to my professor and accidentally signed it abifail instead of abigail.

(abifail, indeed.)

in other news, i had a really lovely week.

i got a library card, sent some snail mail, and watched a great deal of 30 rock.

and today i'm going to see extremely loud and incredibly close!

(which, my mother saw the other day and then texted me "i saw incredibly loud." aw mom.)

what are your plans for the weekend, lovelies? 

ps. thank you for all your sweet words on my last post. i received the kindest emails, texts and comments about it, from friends and strangers alike, and i can't tell you how much it meant to me. 

lately.

i've never been a very consistent blogger, especially recently, and i'd like to share why.

as a few of you might know, i've struggled with depression since i was in high school.

i tend not to talk about it with many people, and i never imagined sharing about it here. it always feels too dramatic, too bothersome. 

the severity of it can vary from month to month, day to day.

but this school year has been particularly difficult for me.

it feels like drowning.

around thanksgiving, i hit rock bottom.

i left school a few days early for break, skipping my classes entirely.

i deleted my facebook, took time off from the internet, and didn't talk to many people outside of my family.

i didn't feel i had much to say at all.

i spent my christmas break fighting hard to be happy, but it felt like i failed almost every day.

i certainly had exceptions- good days, good moments (especially when raven came.)

but more often than not, i felt consumed by my depression. 

the night i dropped raven off at the airport, i made a commitment to myself on the long drive home, that this was going to be the semester that i turned it all around. i was going to change my attitude.

you see, two of my roommates and closest friends are both studying abroad this semester, which is a huge change for me, and i don't particularly like change. 

and when i got to school, i really felt like i was right. that this was my year.

that feeling lasted about 5 days.

last week i had a really difficult week, one of the hardest weeks of my life. and just when i thought it would be over, i got sick. 

so i spent the weekend sick and miserable. i haven't felt that low in years.

but on sunday afternoon, as i laid in my bed, i had that 'aha' moment.

(you know, the one oprah's always talking about?)

i told myself that my pity party had lasted long enough.

so i got out of bed, and i made myself take a shower.

and i ate a real meal.

and i got a call for an interview at a job i had applied for.

(and i found out today that i got it!)

i know that i will always struggle with this disease. 

i could feel just as miserable tomorrow, next week, or next month.

but i am learning that the longer i allow myself to drown in it, the deeper i get.

maybe this semester isn't about having the best semester ever.

maybe it's just about picking myself up again, and living. 

when raven came.

Last week I got to finally meet one of my very best friends in the whole world.

I found Raven's tumblr in May of last year, and I knew immediately that she was my soulmate. 

I sent her a message, telling her exactly that, and from then on we were inseparable.

Well, as inseparable as two people can be when they're separated by several states.

In October we started talking about her coming to visit me, but I never, ever thought it would happen. 

The more we talked about it though, the more real it became. 

And as an early Christmas present, Raven got a plane ticket. 

We spent four days together, and it was the best part of my Christmas break, and possibly one of the best weeks of my life. 

It felt like we had known each other forever, and were just picking up where we left off.

She wrote an unbelievably beautiful post about it that you can read here. 

It sounds crazy, traveling to a different state to meet someone you've been friends with for months, but have never actually met.

But you know what?

It wasn't weird at all.

It was perfect.

christmas.

Truly, this was one the best christmases I have ever had.

As some of you may know, my parents finalized their divorce last year, so holidays have been an adjustment in my house. 

But if anything, I think this adjustment has made me love my family even more.

On Christmas Eve, my mama and I went to the Christmas Eve service at our new church, and it was without a doubt the best Christmas Eve service I've ever been to. Later my sister, brother-in-law and niece came over, and we had dinner and opened presents. Then, as is our yearly tradition, we went to look at a house that has the most INSANE lights display I've ever seen. It puts Clark Griswald to shame. 

And, ok. Honestly y'all, every Christmas I swear I am the last kid on earth to open presents. Every year my parents always made us wait, while they woke up, while they made coffee, while they stuffed our stockings. It hasn't bothered me as I've gotten older, I like a lazy Christmas morning now.

But this year I woke up and my mom wasn't even home. 

Granted, she was out feeding our neighbors dogs, but still.

So I turned on the BBC Doctor Who marathon, and it felt like the Doctor was my family for a little while.

That was nice.

Then she and I opened presents, and I have to tell you. My mom is so sweet it makes me cry. Literally. I love her.

Later that morning I went to my dad's and opened presents, then spent the day watching Christmas movies.

And in my stocking I found this.

Betcha didn't know I have a weakness for the Biebs.

Well I do.

(I brushed my teeth with it this morning. It was life changing.)

The day after Christmas I woke up at 6:30 because I am a mad woman, and went shopping.

IT WAS A SUCCESSFUL SHOPPING DAY.

(today I went shopping again with my mom and bought more things. i have an addiction. send help.)

Do you celebrate Christmas?

If you do, how was it?

If you don't, how was your weekend?

ha, remember when i blogged?

Lately I guess I just haven't had much to say.

(unless you follow me on tumblr, in which case I seem to always have something to say.)

So here's the run down of life lately.

-Christmas break is the bee's knees y'all. Like I think I know why people drop out of school. 

-I've been working. A lot.

-I got to hang out with this little niece of mine:

-I've gotten to see quite a bit (though never enough) of the lovely Kate. 

-I've been embroidering. A lot.

-The kids I nanny for got me the COOLEST Christmas present:

-I got a new hat, that I can't seem to take off.

-I've seen several lovely friends since I've been home, and tomorrow I get to see my dear friend Lydia for the first time in MONTHS.

-In less than two weeks, I get to see RAVEN!

-I've been finding some absolute gems while thrifting:

-And I watched the season finale of Misfits.

So far it's been a pretty quiet Christmas break over here in the Clark household.

I've been loving it.

Are you enjoying your holiday season?

end of the semester.

One more final and I'm outta here. 

Reasons I'm excited to be done with school:

- I won't have to freeze to death in my own home, because my mom can afford to keep our heater above like 60 degrees.

- I won't have any responsibilities for an entire month. I am horrible with responsibility. (I am/will make a terrible adult.)

- I will be able to eat real food. It's at that point in the semester when I don't want to buy any new food because I can't eat it all in time, so I'm attempting to live off the food I have left. But eating cookie dough and peanut butter pretzels for every meal might literally kill me.*

- It means it's almost time for me to see Raven.

- I can watch as much television as I want and no one can say, "Abbi, don't you have something else you could be doing?" Not now I don't.

Reasons I'm not excited to be done with school:

- Hahahahaha. Just kidding. There aren't any. 

* I'm kidding, kind of.

unorganized.

I'm messy.

Sloppy, unorganized, unkempt, whatever you want to call it...

I am. 

God bless the man who someday marries me.

And let's hope that he's not messy too, or else TLC will be contracting a new show for us just weeks into our marriage. 

I actually love organization, I'm just too lazy to keep up with it.

And with the semester coming to a close, my room has been worse than ever before. 

Love me through it, y'all. 

So yesterday I finally broke down and cleaned it. 

(My procrastination about cleaning usually looks something like this.)

And then I remembered how lovely my room can look when it's clean. 

(Line from a Hercules song next to a Bible verse. Nailed it.)

Someday I'll learn to pick up things as I go, rather than waiting 3 weeks then spending hours cleaning.

But that day is not today. 

I'm going to miss this little room during Christmas break.